Rowan Atkinson as Devil

Hello. It's nice to see you all here.
Now, as the most perceptive of you probably realized by now, this is Hell and I'm the Devil.
Good Evening!
But you can call me Toby if you like,
we try to keep things informal in here as well as infernal.
That's a little joke of mine; i tell it every time.

Now you are all here for... Eternity, which I hardly need tell you it's a heck of a long time.
So you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end.
But for now I'm gonna have to split you up into groups.

Will you stop screaming? Thank you.

Now murderers, over here,
looters and pillagers, thieves if you could join them,
and lawyers you're in that group too.
Fornicators if you could step forward.
My God there're a lot of you.
Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest?
Male adulterers if you could just form a line infront of that small guillotine in the corner.

The French, are you here?
If you could just come down here with the Germans. I'm sure you'll have plenty to talk about.
Atheists, over there, you must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits. Nevermind.

And finally, Christians. I'm afraid the Jews were right. If you could come down here that would be really fine. Are there any questions?
No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. If you read your Bible, you might've seen that it was “Damnation without relief”,
so if you din't go before you came, then, I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much, but then I believe that's the idea.

Well, it's over to you Adolf, and I'll catch you all later at the barbacue.